After
that summer, my life was never the same. I have thought back
time and again, trying to figure out why things happened the
way they did. I was far from being an early bloomer. I was
very skinny with no breasts or curves anywhere in sight. I
was just a normal little kid or so I thought. I finally had
to just accept what God allowed. Even though those things
were horrible – I would have preferred to have dealt with
those random acts of immorality than to have endured the six
year ordeal that began later that same summer.
The biggest difference between the little malicious acts and
the 6 year ordeal was that it involved someone I loved and
trusted. He had spent the greater portion of my life making
sure that I loved and trusted him. He could have written a
manual on how to be a pedophile.
The man was a close friend of my entire family; maybe that’s
why they let me spend so much time with him. He taught me
how to cook and drive and even to sew. At seven years old, I
could make pancakes, cornbread and even bake a cake – all
from scratch. He always let me sit on his lap and drive. I
never, ever felt endangered or afraid. I thought he loved
me. I guess in his sick perverted mind – he actually did
love me.
His name was LD Pedoster, and I guess he figured that seven
years was long enough to wait. I started to wonder if maybe
he had heard about the things the other men had done to me
and wanted to be a part of it. Nevertheless, with him it was
different. I had a loving relationship with him and he eased
me into his dirty little hands.
LD was like a father figure. He stopped by my grandmother’s
house every morning and they would have coffee. I would get
excited when I would hear his voice and I would run in and
jump in his lap.
What I took to be a loving relationship, he used as part of
his scheme to molest me. I can remember the very first day
it started – it is still very vivid in my mind. I was seven
years old. We were at LD’s house and he had started cooking
dinner. We had not long come in from working in the garden.
While the food was cooking – he was sitting on the couch
watching television. I was running around the coffee table
in a circle.
Each time I would run by, he would lift his legs and I would
jump over. I was laughing and having a lot of fun. It was so
innocent. I was laughing and playing and all the while, he
was plotting. After a while – he would grab me and kiss me.
He kissed me on the lips, but I didn’t think anything
because it was LD and I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. After he
would kiss me, he would let me go and I would just jump up
and start running around again just as any other seven year
old little girl would have.
The kisses became more and more frequent and finally, he put
his tongue in my mouth. I really didn’t know what was going
on, but again, I jumped up and started running. I remember
him asking me how I felt about the kiss. I didn’t really
know how I was supposed to feel and I just replied and said
‘I don’t know.’
That was my first intimate kiss. I was seven. Honestly, at
the time, I didn’t feel weird or bad or anything about what
had happened. I never thought he would do anything that
would hurt me. I loved him.
That day, he told my grandmother that he wanted me to spend
the night with him so that I could help him in the garden
early the next morning. My grandmother allowed me to go. Why
did she let me go? Why would she let me spend the night
alone in a house with a 60 year old man with no wife or
children? Nevertheless, I went. I wasn’t hesitant at all; I
was actually a little excited. I don’t remember having
stayed away from home prior to that night, except at
Sabrina’s house. That night, after my bath – I fell asleep
in LD’s bed. When I lay down initially, he was on the sofa;
but at some point during the middle of the night, he came
into the bedroom. When I woke up – he was on top of me. I
was too afraid to scream. I didn’t know what was happening.
I remember trying to wake myself up thinking I must have
been dreaming. Then I realized he was actually on top of me.
I could hardly breathe because he was so heavy.
He was groaning and moving around on top of me and he kept
calling me ‘baby.’ Then he started kissing me; first on the
lips then all over my body and finally between my legs. I
had my first orgasm at age seven. When he finally finished,
I felt terrible, there was an awful feeling between my legs.
I realized that he wanted what all of the other dirty men
wanted. I was very sad and even more confused. I had
experienced something that I was incapable of fully
understanding. Not only did I not understand what had
happened, I didn’t feel that I could talk to anyone about
what had happened. |
